SLOVENIA'S 5 CORE VALUES

I have driven long and short distances in my little blue car, and especially the latter have often ended unpleasantly. Because - all of a sudden, on a regional or local road, the petrol - ran out! There were just enough seconds left to pull over into a weaning lane (if there was one) and desperately get behind the wheel.

My friend Matej, who was sitting in the passenger seat at the time, said, "Don't worry, I'll call Kupnik." I didn't even know who Kupnik was, much less that he was a doctor - a specialist in family medicine, and a friend of Matej's. And Dejan Kupnik, MD, then of course only in the capacity of a good friend of Matthew's, or simply - The Man, was at the car in less than half an hour with a full jerry can of petrol, poured it into the thirsty Corsa and drove off. Of course, he never asked for payment for his help and for the petrol (this was at least three or four times). He didn't even want to hear about it.

After more than fifteen years, I asked Dejan Kupnik, one of the most popular personal physicians, who has a practice in Kamnice near Maribor, why he helped me then and why kindness without payment is an important value for him.

He said: "I believe that sincere help to one's fellow human beings is a value that first and foremost shows the ability to recognise and understand human distress, whether felt and experienced in one's own life or developed through a healthy personal development. The act of helping shows emotional stability and independence, not questioning the opinion of others. It is an individual quality whose sincerity in one's own moral and ethical world can only be judged essentially by each one for himself, since many good deeds can only be done for the sake of one's own self-promotion and one's own false display before others."

Dejan Kupnik adds that helping a person in need is a selfless act that does not involve asking for repayment, nor does it cause another person to think in such a way. Such acts are also not publicised, as they are committed in the extreme and hidden intimacy of the one who helps. It is important that the person helping does so without criticism (e.g. why you waited so long or how can you think you're going to ride on fumes), and without resentment. 

The aspect of the person who provides the help is very interesting and much underestimated, because, according to Dejan Kupnik, such work can build a healthy self-confidence and eventually allow a person to realise what is most important in life. Good deeds and help in times of need are the glue, the added value of our society., a society that is unfortunately becoming more and more hurried and harder to see the person in need.

Good deeds sensitise us to people in need, so that we notice them, and allow us as a society not to lose our moral compass, and it all starts with proper upbringing and role modeling by parents at birth. It is true, however, that in one's own personal sphere it also requires insight into whether our 'helping' will actually help or harm someone, which again requires a fair amount of understanding of oneself and the world around us, and the strength to stay on the right path. 

I also asked Dejan Kupnik where is the limit to "goodness not becoming an orphan"?

"Helping another requires, in certain circumstances, an approach with insight, a certain general wisdom about what such help entails. It is a familiar instrument for almost every parent who does not live by the principle of the total pampering of his own children, or who does not bring up in the sense of permissive education, where no limits are set for the child in order to teach him what is good for him and why. I am not talking about moments when help is vital, immediate. But there are many kinds of help where it is good to think about whether or not we are actually going to help the person. The fact that someone we help, especially in terms of finances or other benefits, then comes to us again and again on a regular basis with the same desires, should make us think about whether we are actually helping them, or whether we are just being a nudge, and whether we need to find other ways of stimulating them to get to a certain goal on their own, without our help. Unfortunately, the very people who take advantage of us play the guilt card over and over again, but wisdom and inner fortitude help us to resolve even these conundrums."

P.s.: It was the experience of my own indifference and probably irresponsibility to a certain extent, and the feeling of severe shame and even greater gratitude that you can never really repay, that taught me to make sure that I ask for help in times of need as rarely and as responsibly as possible, and when I really can't do otherwise. However, I know that asking for help is also a brave thing to do and I am grateful and proud when someone asks for help from me. 

Petra Bauman, 1. 3. 2025